Monday, January 20, 2014

How to do laundry in 25 easy steps.

Step 1.  Take a shower.

Step 2.  Complete shower, begin process of getting dressed.

Step 3.  Realize that you do not have clean underwear, socks, shirts, or pants.

Step 4.  Attempt to locate hamper.

Step 5.  Realize that hamper is hidden well beneath every item of clothing you own.

Step 6.  Sift through your clothes, looking for something "cleanish" or if you're lucky, something clean that got absorbed into your dirty clothes pile.

Step 7.  Fail.  Decide it's time to do laundry.

Step 8.  Dutifully sort your laundry into piles by color and fabric.

Step 9.  Give up on sorting after 45 seconds; form "laundry ball." 

Step 10.  Huck the laundry ball into the washing machine and set the machine to cold.

Step 11.  Forget you're in a towel, start to play video games or watch TV or read if you're a nerd.

Step 12.  Emerge four hours later and remember the towel. 

Step 13.  Transfer laundry ball from washing machine to dryer. Set to low heat to avoid shrinking and to buy enough time to play another game of NBA 2K14.

Step 14.  Fall asleep on the coach, still in the towel.

Step 15.  Emerge four hours later and remember the towel.

Step 16.  Open the dryer and take out just the items of clothing that you plan to wear at that exact moment.

Step 17.  Proceed with your day.

Step 18.  Return to the dryer the next day; only take the clothes you need at that very moment.

Step 19.  Repeat Step 18 the next day.

Step 20.  Remove remaining laundry ball from dryer, transfer to hamper. 

Step 21.  Carry hamper to bedroom, leave it in the middle of the floor. 

Step 22.  Select just the clothes that you need, when you need them. 

Step 23.  Start to pile dirty clothes on top of clean clothes. 

Step 24.  Slowly forget where clean clothes start and dirty clothes end.

Step 25.  Begin the original process.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Thumbing My Way through my iPod: Volume 1

I've long wanted to go through my whole iPod and write about the songs.  I think of it as a musical voyage of sorts.  It's easy to write about the really famous or popular or even good songs, but what about those weird deep cuts?  What about the songs you are embarrassed to have on your iPod?  Am I confident enough to include them?  You'd never know if I didn't.  Anyway, I love music and I want to write about it.  If you want to read, then here we are.  I'm going to go through my whole library and post about 500 words at a time.  I'm going to do my best to just write while the song plays.  We'll see how it goes.  If you like it, you should do the same.  It would be fun to read.

It's fitting to start this journey with Pearl Jam.  I'm a huge fan.  I have all their albums, singles, a whole mess of bootlegs and I've seen them live eight times.  This song is like a demo or something and off the Pearl Jam 20 soundtrack.  It's nice; one of those Eddie vocal chant type songs that he likes to do.  It reminds me more of his solo stuff and I can see why it never made an album.  I like it though.

I love Pinkerton.  I just love it.  I was Weezer-resistant in my younger days.  I have a friend who just loves Weezer and I think that petty competition made me want to dislike them.  I don't know how anyone can dislike Pinkerton.  It's probably the most fun album ever created.  Sure, their songs are somewhat whiny and often nonsense, but fun is fun.  This song is great.  It's whiny, but on topic.  The message is easy enough to relate to and the chorus is powerful.  I think I've liked maybe five Weezer songs since Pinkerton though.  It's a shame.

Is it ok to like STP?  I can never remember.  It seems they are not as well-respected as some of their contemporaries, but I like them just fine.  Adhesive is not my favorite though.  It's a little swampy and slow.  It feels a bit disjointed and certainly isn't enough of a ballad to capture my prolonged attention.  I can't imagine ever thinking "I should listen to Adhesive." 

That's a mouthful.  I told a friend of mine that I prefer Californication-era RHCP to their funky, loud early days.  He looked at me like he was my Dad and said, "Oh, Brad" as if I had told him I was thinking of growing a soul patch or something.  Anyway, I do like recent RHCP.  I even like their newest album, although I do miss John Frusciante's amazing guitar work/backup vocals.  This song is fun, but kind of silly.  I guess the premise is some sort of exotic dancer or something.  I never really understand lyrics.  It's part of my charm.

Blur is probably the strangest band that I enjoy.  I'm not a huge fan of British rock or British pop or whatever, but I do enjoy Blur.  This song sounds like most Blur songs.  There's some yelling, seemingly at me, and some fast guitar.  I have to admit, I enjoy Blur's ballads a bit more than their faster, harder songs.  In fact, you'll find that I prefer ballads in general, if you continue down this trip with me.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

10 Steps to Successful Blogging!

1.  Be bored or opinionated or both.

2.  Wait 1-2 years; call into radio shows.

3.  Set up a blog using Blogger or Wordpress or whatever.

4.  Wait 1-2 years; call into radio shows.

5.  Start Writing.

6.  Somehow, someway, gain a small, but loyal following.

7.  Somehow, someway, increase your following.  Optional - get lazy; be less good.

8.  Decide that people must want to hear your opinions on a variety of topics, instead of focusing on writing about what people enjoy reading you write about.

9.  Start a rebel, offshoot blog.  Use your "popular" blog to whore out this new blog.

10.  Repeat steps 6-9, with less success/effort.

Welcome to step 9!  Consider this my alter-blog manifesto.  Every so often, I want to write about something other than baseball.  However, I don't want to sully the waters of Kevin Slowey was Framed!  I have a reputation, you know.  I created this space in case I decide to run my mouth about something other than baseball.  It will probably be mostly about music.  Unlike most humans, I love music.  So, buckle up knuckleheads!  I'm also going to be filled with more vitriol in this space.  Just because, but probably not.